To lose a child is a pain no parent should have to endure. They say when you lose a child you become part of a group that no one wants to be in. I have lost my Grandparents, My Father and some Friends. But at the lose of Jadyn...there are no words to describe the pain. All I can say is that it is a constant ache in the heart.

One question people often ask is "Are you going to have any other children." I never understand that question. I don't want any other children. I want the one I had, that is all.

Jadyn's passing was very peaceful. The room was full of family and friends. We listened to beautiful lullabyes. Jason and I layed down beside her like we did everynight in bed, I on her right side and Jason on her left. We told her over and over how loved she was and how beautiful she is. She would just sigh like she was saying " I know." We had our favorite nurse there who decided to work past her shift so she could be the one with her when the time came. It was all very perfect. Except when you think...perfect? This is a two and a half little girl who has fought from her first day to make it through this life. How is this fair? But Jadyn taught a lot of us a lot of things. She taught us about the simple things in life. She also brought some wonderful people in our lives that we would never have known otherwise. True geniune people. She made sure we would be okay...and she still is..

About a month after Jadyn's passing one of the wonderful people Jadyn brought into our lives, Marie was telling us about a medium named Nan O'Brien.

www.NanOBrien.com

She wanted us to know if we would like her to set us up with a session with her. I had always been into this sort of thing, but Jason being the skeptic was a little unsure of it. But we both agreed that if it worked and we got to speak with Jadyn that it was worth it. So we waited til January 8th 2008 for our phone call from Nan. As soon as she called us she told Jason that she could tell he was a skeptic but that she had nothing to prove. That at the end of the phone call he would or would not be a believer. She also went on to say that Jason had a gift, a gift he needed to stop running from and to embrace it. He then realized she knew that when he talked to Jadyn he would get tingly, Like she was with him. This was happening daily to him. As happy as I was for him I also must say I was a bit jeolous too. I did not see or feel anything from Jadyn. Right after she passed away I was bringing some of her coats and hats to her room and as I looked up the stairs I swear I saw her running up them in front of me and when she reached the top she turned and looked at me and was smiling. I can still picture her in her pig tails with her bright blue eyes and big smile.That was the only time that happened. Nan told us to pay attention because she is right along with us all the time and to look for signs. I think Jadyn comes to me in music. I turn on the radio or turn the channel and a song will be playing that either her and I danced to or sang, or the words describe how I'am feeling. I have become a great member of I-Tunes!! I can make a pretty good sappy cd, guarenteed to make you cry!!Nan told us that Jadyn is happy and healthy and how she loves to dance on her tip toes. What a great thing to know!! That our child who couldn't walk is DANCING ON HER TIP TOES!!! Talking with Nan was a instant weight lifter. It just released all this stress about the unknown with Jadyn. Is she okay? Is she happy? Does she miss us? So many questions!! Just because we are here so missing her...She IS happy!! She knows we will be together someday and she is will us everyday, just in spirit. Nan told us that Jadyn wanted her story told. She wanted people to know all we went through for her and what she went through herself. We learned that she was making it okay for us. We learned about what she thought of things and how she dealt with things.It was truely amazing.

It was so amazing that on Febuary 9th, 2008 we went to see Nan at the Marriott Hotel for her last show on her tour. We brought along our friend Marie and our mothers. At the beginning of the show Nan was experencing electrical problems with her microphone.Due to this Nan came and stood in the center of the room. She explained that if you wanted to raise your hand that she would call on you and then you could ask her a question. She had called on two different women and then started to work her way back to the front of the room when all of a sudden she turned around and locked eyes with Jason. She looked at him and said "You want to ask me a question?" Jason was a bit shocked to say the least since he did not raise his hand. He just looked at her and said "No". But she asked him again, "You want to ask me something?" So by now I'm hitting the side of his leg saying "Ask her, Ask her". So he said he wanted to know about his daughter. So Nan asked him his daughters name and he said Jadyn. Nan proceeded to tell us that our daughter was happy and DANCING ON HER TIP TOES!! I immediatly started to cry...Again!! I could not figure out though why Nan did not recongize our names...She had just spoken with us a month ago...How many men named Jason have a two year old who passes away named Jadyn that live in Vermont? But this was cool for us so I wasn't going to complain!! She then told us that Jadyn was happy about something we were doing for her in June. (We were planning a big party with a silent auction to benifit  Make A Wish on what would have been her third birthday) After Nan was done she turned back around to go back to the front of the room, but now her microphone was WORKING!! Had Nan's microphone been working to begin with would she have been in the center of the room???

The next morning while Jason was out snowmobiling I decided to email Nan and that her for calling on Jason and talking about Jadyn. We were so lucky!! I told her we were sorry for not staying after the show to introduce ourselves but there was such a line and it was late so we went home. About two hours later Nan called us!! She wanted to apologize ( FOR WHAT???) She says she broke her number one rule and that is she called on someone when their hand was not raised and invaded their privacy. I told her no apology needed, We were happy that she called on him!! She said that she was going to find out who we were and call us because it had bothered her all night but I already had emailed her. We talked for over a hour...about life mostly. It was so nice!!! We actually had a lot in common which was very interesting.Jason was so jeolous that he missed the call...he wanted to know every detail!!

On Febuary 26th 2008 we had our second session with Nan. She talked a lot about Jason's gift. He was concered because over the past few weeks his tingling was not as often. Nan described that as this...She said that its like a parent teaching his child to ride a bike. You run along side of the bike and you hold on but eventually you have to let go to let you do it on your own. It doesn't mean your not right there your just not holding on. That is the way it is with Jadyn. She helped Jason but she had to step back a bit to let him heal on his own without her help for a bit because he was relying on her too much. Nan also said that Jadyn coud see people Aura's. She said that mine is blue ( healing) and Jason's is purple (Spiritial). She said Jadyn's is Gold ((Joy)and White( God's Energy). At that moment Nan remembers something and we can hear her typing on the computer. She says she wants to read us something. She starts to read a email from a women who was at the show we were at at the Marriott. She said her favorite part was when she called on the man who lost his daughter. She also wanted to know what the WHITE & GOLD light was that was following Nan during ths show!!! Could it be???? Our little peanut??? She is so amazing!!!!! How could we be so lucky to have our little girl keep letting us know she is there! We had our conversation with Nan last for well over a hour...What a great thing to do!! Talk with someone who can explain to us what our daughter WANTS us to know!

Can't wait for our next session!!!

Danielle's Dream

One of the things that Nan told us is when you are having a dream about someone who has passed and you realize while your dreaming that it can't be real since that person is gone, then it is a VISIT. Neither one of us had had a dream like that until May. I had a dream that Jadyn and I were out running erronds and she said she was hungry (she talked) and I asked her if she wanted a yogurt. She said "Yes." I asked her if she wanted strawberry,orange or chocolate. She said "Orange."  I took the yogurt and peeled off the lid and handed it to her with a spoon and she started feeding herself (something she could not do). I then realized while I was dreaming that this could not be real. I had already had a child that was named Jadyn that looked liked her. She was a bit older in my dream, about three but it was her. So at that point in my dream I knew it was a visit. I leaned down and kissed her. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged and rubbed her back. I told her over and over that I loved her and she said "I Love you too Mommy". When I awoke I could not stop crying. It took me a long time to tell that story without crying, I still get teary eyed thinking of that visit. I was always sad that I would never hear the words"I love you" or  a simple "Mommy" from my child. Yet my child did say those things to me when she finally was able. When she was in Heaven healthy.

Thank you honey, I love you!!

Tattoo I got in memory of Jadyn on March 10th 2008.